Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
