I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
