taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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