Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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