Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
