Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
