I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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