guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
