I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
