can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
