I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
