why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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