She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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