Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
