I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
