I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
