its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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