I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
