I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
