In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
