If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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