i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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