i jhust puked up my retainher.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
