Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
