halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
