I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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