I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What changed your mind?
Being sober
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
