The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
