Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
