am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
