actually, I'm a sock model
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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