I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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