She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
