I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
