I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
