we have pet lesbian snakes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
