Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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