I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
