Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
