are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
