you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
