ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
