I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
