Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How external is "for external use only"?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
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