You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
this boner is exhausting
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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