I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
