Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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