No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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