i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
