You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
